How does your marriage score on vitality?
The leading relationship assessment tool for married couples is PREPARE/ENRICH. It is a scientifically validated foundational program for premarital counseling, marriage enrichment, marriage mentoring, and more.
My wife, Lori, and I are trained facilitators in the PREPARE/ENRICH assessment program. We enjoy working with couples as they explore building a stronger marriage.
One of the discoveries made through the assessment is the couple type and marital satisfaction. In essence, the assessment indicates how much a couple agrees with each other, in a healthy way.
There are 5 types of married couples:
1) Vitalized – have the highest levels of couple satisfaction with their relationship, skilled in communication and conflict resolution.
2) Harmonized – enjoy high levels of satisfaction across most areas of their relationship.
3) Conventional – often highly committed to one another, but not skilled in communication or conflict resolution.
4) Conflicted – have a lower level of satisfaction and often struggle with many areas of their relationship.
5) Devitalized – have the lowest level of satisfaction and have growth areas in almost all aspects of their relationship.
So what if you discover your couple type is not vitalized?
Acknowledging reality
If you are the least bit competitive, it’s hard not to be seen as #1. Even in a marriage assessment.
But pick any successful person – in sports, the arts or entertainment, in business – and you’ll find a common theme. Hardly anyone started out as #1.
In fact, most people, who today are celebrated as the best in their field, experienced numerous challenges and started out way down the list. While they never lost their dream, the turning point of success was the moment they acknowledged their reality – and decided to take responsibility to change it.
The same is true in marriage.
Visualize the dream, the marriage you would like to have. Get clear on your current reality, the way it is today. And then make the commitment to change it, to begin building a stronger marriage.
Working towards vitality
To shift your couple type to ‘Vitalized’ you can start by understanding the value of vitality.
As a value, Vitality means an energetic style; healthy capacity for vigorous activity; ability to survive and grow. There is a lot of substance here.
A) Energetic. How much energy are you putting into your marriage? Are you waiting for your spouse to raise the bar? Like any fitness program, it starts with you. Pump it up!
B) Healthy capacity. It takes time to build capacity. Maybe first you need to get healthy in the relationship. Resolve outstanding issues and conflicts. Then start small and allow capacity to grow steadily over time. It will grow!
C) Vigorous activity. Healthy marriages have healthy dialogue that is open, respectful, engaging, and forward moving. Just like any other team, a husband and wife team are actively working towards goals, pursing dreams, and living a life of purpose – together!
D) Ability to survive. Bad things happen. Every couple faces challenges, sometimes life-threatening (to the marriage). A vitalized couple work together and not against each other. It’s about commitment!
E) Ability to grow. Vitalized couples don’t remain stagnant. There is an innate need to experience life, to add value to others, and produce visible results that together they’re making a difference!
Vitality is a great value for couples to embrace. If it seems far away, it can become the destination. If you’ve had it and lost it, it’s worth discovering again. And if your relationship is filled with vitality – share it with others.
Life produces more life.
How have you brought vitality to your marriage?
