Who do you attract with your charm?
What kind of people are drawn to you? Does the answer to that question make you happy or disappointed?
This is one of those cases where it truly is all about you.
If you’re happy, terrific. Keep going.
If you’re not happy with who is drawn to you, then maybe you need to consider making a change – in you. This is where learning the skills of leadership can provide a tremendous advantage.
In his book The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, author and leadership expert John Maxwell refers to this as the Law of Magnetism: Who you are is who you attract.
Simply stated, magnetism is the ability to attract and charm people. And charm is a powerful value.
The Value of Charm
As a differentiating value, Charm means ability to persuade, delight or arouse admiration.
This has a direct link to being a leader, as leadership is about influence. Charm is very helpful if we’re to influence others.
Unfortunately, due to the damaging impact of numerous unethical leaders who were quite charming – before their true nature and intentions were revealed – the value of charm has often become associated as a negative quality. This, in turn, reduces credibility and trust.
So maybe it’s helpful to consider charm in different forms, when combined with other values.
Five Different Forms of Charm
Charm is a complex value that reveals itself in different ways, depending on the other values present. Here are five examples that I have experienced personally:
– Jim has charm with charisma. He is gregarious, always positive, and a very likeable guy. He’s also very successful financially, which also adds to his charisma.
– Charles has charm with wisdom. He has a quiet, thoughtful, yet strong personality. When he speaks, people listen. And for good reason.
– Anita has charm with beauty. When she walks into the room, everyone takes notice – both men and women. She is friendly, approachable, and genuinely interested in others.
– Tom has charm with humor. He makes people laugh, which is always good medicine. With an eternal smile (or smirk), you’re never disappointed when he enters the room.
– Helen has charm with compassion. With a single encounter, you know that you have met someone who would do anything to help you. It’s pure love.
While each person displays charm in different ways, Jim is the one most often thought of (among the people I know) as being naturally charming. It’s because of his charisma.
The Magic of Charisma
Do you view yourself as having charisma? Do you possess that something “special” that compels others to be attracted to you? Most people I know would answer “no” to this question.
Maybe a better question is this: Do you possess the ability to draw people to you?
If you can answer ‘yes’ then you have charisma.
We are drawn to people who believe in us, make us feel good about ourselves, give us hope, and are also open to sharing themselves. In other words, if you honestly care about others, and it shows, you may already be displaying charisma – and charm.
Interestingly, a writer for The Mayo News, an Irish newspaper, referred to charisma as “that elusive charm.” He concluded his article with the following statement:
“Apparently qualities (although not all have to be present) are empathy, or the ability to identify with others, good hair and a big smile, a sense of fun and magnetic energy, an appealing accent and unexpected occupations – even vulnerability – are all helpful.”
This writer hit on something important – there are a number of elements that make up charisma, and not all of them need to be present to be charming.
So, if you want to embrace charm as one of your differentiating values, consider what other values you bring to the table. And if you also possess charisma, you just might have a leg up being able to influence others. And that makes you a leader.
Who do you admire that has great charm?
