Posted on Sep 13, 2012

Values in Marriage – Hope

I’m a man who continually embraces hope. It’s closely aligned to the value of optimism, one of the three differentiating values that my wife, Lori, and I have defined for our marriage.

Just consider the value of hope:
full of promise; a great expectation; to be optimistic.

Doesn’t that just get you all excited?

But sometimes even I become hopeless. My “hope tank” runs dry.

So what do I do? Prayer often works. But if it reaches a state of depression (and it does at times), then I’m sunk.

Thankfully, my best friend and partner in life knows how to renew my hope. She can be quite deliberate, almost like a scientist, experimenting with one tactic and then another, until my hope tank fills up again.

As Lori wrote in a previous blog post, she will try one or more of the following:

Ensuring consistency – builds hope. This is all about action. Just as a building is built one block at a time, so is hope. This might include starting the day at the same time or eating meals at the same time. It can also include praying together – every day.
A feeling of understanding – enriches hope. I’m generally the talker in our relationship. But when hope is gone, I get quiet. So Lori will encourage me talk by asking thoughtful questions. She listens very well and shows me that she understands me.
Confirming I still fit in – protects hope. Lori really excels at this. She consistently shows where I fit into her life, and the importance I have there. It can start with little things, such as asking “Would you mind taking me grocery shopping? You make it so much easier for me when you drive me.” I know I’m needed and wanted.
Celebrating a small win – affirms hope. I suck at celebrating wins. As soon as I accomplish one task, I’m on to the next. But ensuring we celebrate is Lori’s strength. Even if a win is a few days or even weeks old, she’ll say “Let’s celebrate that success today!”
Expressing passion – brings vitality to hope. When you can’t motivate yourself, hearing the passion in your spouse’s voice can do just the trick to refill the hope tank. Even when I know Lori is purposefully explaining to someone else some exciting plans we have, in order to pump me up, it works!

When your spouse’s hope tank is empty, what are you doing to fill it up for them?

To read more about hope in marriage, I encourage you to read Lori’s post.