Posted on Apr 11, 2013

The Value of Fascination in Marriage

The value of fascination means intensely interested; captivate; attract; cause to be enamored.

Marriage Questions:

Remember how enamored you were with your spouse when first dating?
What one thing could you say or do that would captivate your spouse’s heart – again?
What would happen if you called your spouse right now and asked them to go out on a date this weekend?
When is the last time you got all dressed up, just for your spouse?
When you go to bed tonight, what would happen if you just smiled at your spouse, and said nothing?

Marriage Fun with Fascination

During the initial stages of a relationship, it is common for a man and woman to get the “tingles”, that is according to marriage expert Dr. Gary Chapman. The man may feel the tingles when he sees her coming into the room. Oooh! The woman may feel the tingles when he puts his arm around her waist and pulls her close. Ummm! The tingles can happen wherever you encounter this special person, or even just thinking about them.

But after a period of time, generally around 2 years according to Dr. Chapman, the tingles stop. The man and woman begin to see each other with greater clarity, as they really are. And the temperature of the relationship is often dialed back from hot to just simmering.

This is normal. Or at least we tell ourselves it’s supposed to be this way.

Really!?!?!

Is it possible to turn up the heat a bit, and re-engage the tingles? Absolutely. This can be done at any point in the relationship, from the first year of marriage to your 50^th. You just have to have some fun with the value of fascination.

To get you started, here’s a few ways to become fascinated with your spouse – again.

Sit down, just the two of you in a quiet spot. Ask your spouse: what was one of the happiest moments you ever had together? Could have been a trip, a special occasion, but something you both did together. Based on your spouse’s response, talk about that experience in-depth. Uncover what made that moment so special. What was the catalyst for that great feeling you shared together? Re-live the experience, and then plan a new one.
Count how many times in a week you can surprise your spouse and make them smile unexpectedly. What could you buy, make, or borrow that would cause a smile? What could you do, build, fix, or clean that would cause a smile? What goofy stunts could you pull off that would cause a smile? These don’t have to be big, elaborate events. Remember, quantity of smiles counts. So make them easy, quick, and fun.
Start a ‘fascination’ journal and write down everything you find fascinating about your spouse. Just sit and watch them work, play a game, or watch TV. Take notes on the amazing little things you find attractive about your spouse. Could be a funny habit, odd sounds they make, or the beautiful ways they show kindness to others. You can do this with or without their knowledge. But then choose a time with your spouse to share all the things you find fascinating about them. And MOST importantly, share your findings more than once. Let them know the many ways you find them fascinating.

By the way, did you notice the secret ingredient in these starter ideas? Your focus is 100% on your spouse, and you’re having fun doing it. That’s likely the same combination that was present when you first dated. Surprise!