Why Learning to Serve is the Secret to Finding Pleasure in Marriage

After I buy a meal at Chick-fil-A and say thank you, I always hear the lovely response: “My pleasure.” Maybe it’s a southern thing, but it’s a pleasant thought knowing someone is happy to serve others.

Of course, not everyone enjoys serving others. Dealing with people can be difficult. Or as Albert Einstein said: “I love humanity, but I hate humans.”

So why exactly would someone choose to go out of their way to serve another human being?

• To put a smile on someone’s face.
• To brighten someone’s day.
• To help someone be happy.
• To make a difference.

Serving others revolves around the value of pleasure. As a differentiating value, Pleasure means an enjoyable experience; or providing a feeling or source of happiness.

This value is best associated with the popular Biblical quote: “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” [Acts 20:35]. In other words, there is more pleasure in giving than receiving.

The same is true in marriage.

Experiencing Pleasure in Marriage

Why do men and women choose to get married? Many might suggest it’s just for sex. Others might add convenience, sharing the cost of living, having children, or simply to not be alone.

A great reason to consider is: To have someone else to share the pleasures of life.

As a couple stated so eloquently in a recent interview: The point is to be happy in life.

Unfortunately, many people struggle with happiness. Stress, worries, fears, uncertainties, and doubts plague everyone. Happiness can often be as elusive as trying to catch a stray cat. If you do manage to catch it, you’re often left with the scars of your efforts.

But it CAN be different in marriage.

When your spouse is happy, you can be happy.  No scars. Just the joy of seeing the one you love be happy. And it’s really neat when you were the cause of it!

Maybe you know the common saying “Happy wife, happy life.”  It’s generally not said in a complimentary manner. However, the concept is basically true – for BOTH husbands and wives. When one spouse is happy, it gives permission for the other spouse to be happy.

The challenge can be: how to make your spouse happy?

Yes, you can buy something special for your spouse. Yes, you can encourage your spouse to go doing something fun by themselves or with someone else. But real “pleasure in marriage” comes from experiencing something enjoyable together.

Enjoyable Experiences Together

One of the best ways to make your spouse happy is to focus completely on them AND do it together with them. Think about the kind of experiences that would be enjoyable to your spouse. This might include:

• Play a board game together.
• Play a video game together.
• Going for a walk together.
• Go swimming together.
• Taking a drive in the country together.
• Go shopping together.
• Do some gardening together.
• Refinish a piece of furniture together.
• Make dinner together.
• Go out for dinner together.
• Watch a movie together.
• Listen to an audiobook together.
• Find a quiet spot outside at night and watch the stars together.
• Cuddle in bed together.

So… if you want to experience real pleasure in your marriage, see if you can create an enjoyable experience for your spouse that you share together.

But beware!

When they look at you and say “thank you”, you just might find yourself saying “My pleasure!”

 

What’s your spouse’s favorite thing to do together with you?

What’s holding you back from choosing to serve your spouse without any reservations?

 

Today’s value was selected from the “Fun-Recreation” category, based on the e-book Developing Your Differentiating Values.