Why Resilience is a Benchmark for a Happy Marriage

This post is part of the Happy Wives Club Blog Tour which I am delighted to be a part of along with hundreds of inspiring bloggers. If you’re a blogger and want to join in, click here! 

For happiness to last in a marriage, it can’t only be the surface. Lifelong marital happiness comes from a deep well filled with shared experiences as well as experiences of faith.

Lori recently wrote about The Secret to Our Happy Marriage of almost 30 years. In a nutshell, it’s our faith and trust in God. He is our constant. Everything else is a variable, and marriage includes many variables.

As I considered the many ups and downs we’ve lived through, the good times and not-so-good times, I wondered about a benchmark for a happy marriage. While we put our trust in God, how do we know if we’re doing our part to help build a happy marriage?

Many couples have a good marriage. But what if you want to have a great marriage? In other words, how do you know if your marriage is the best it can be?

I believe the value of resilience is a useful benchmark.

As a differentiating value, Resilience means rebounds readily; or positive ability to recover quickly from tribulation.

We know that every marriage lives through trials. What matters is not the number of trials you experience. It’s how you rebound and even how quickly you recover that determines the strength of your marriage.

Rebounding from Common Trials

Most trials that married couples face are not life threatening, catastrophic, or require a phone call to the police or fire department. They’re just unintentional occurrences.

• He forgot their anniversary – again.
• She said the wrong thing to his mother.
• He broke one of her family heirlooms.
• She forgot to pay the electric bill.
• He hit her car while backing up his vehicle.
• She lost her purse, along with all her credit cards.

If these all happened to the same couple in a relatively short period of time, you probably would think there’s something wrong with them. They’re forgetful, careless, and even irresponsible.

Yet, stop and think about it. Such issues happen to most couples all the time – maybe monthly or even weekly (but I hope not daily).

When a husband and wife can smile over such issues, maybe even sharing a laugh about it, they are showing resiliency. They are proving that together they can readily rebound.

More importantly, when a husband or wife demonstrates a sincere concern over how their spouse feels, and shows it’s more important than the issue itself, a great marriage is being formed.

What matters most is for a spouse to know they matter more than any annoyance, aggravation, or even major trial. With each celebrated victory, the building blocks for a lasting and happy marriage are being formed.

Of course, never forget that the foundation of a great marriage is built upon faith and trust in God. He is the one who will help a married couple get through the really difficult trials.

How have you and your spouse shown resiliency in your marriage?

Today’s value was selected from the “Diversity-Flexibility” category, based on the e-book Developing Your Differentiating Values.

Fawn Weaver, the founder of the Happy Wives Club, wrote a book about the best marriage secrets the world has to offer. They say the book is like “Eat, Pray, Love meets The 5 Love Languages.” I say the book is inspiring. You can grab a copy here.