Posted on Apr 3, 2014

The Two Sides of Acuteness in Marriage

How would you rate yourself when it comes to knowing your spouse? If there were a marriage intelligence test (maybe it would be called a “MI” rating), how high would you score?

If you’ve been married for some time, you likely feel you know your spouse fairly well. You need very little data to determine if they are having a good day or a bad day.

With just a single glimpse, you can tell if your spouse is happy or sad.
By just the sound of their voice you can tell if they need a hug or need some space.
A simple question and you know how to best direct the conversation.

This unique ability of married couples can be attributed to the value of acuteness, where

Acuteness means a quick and penetrating intelligence.

But there are two important sides to acuteness in marriage.

Two Sides of Acuteness

Every relationship consists of two parts: the rational part and the emotional part. In marriage, there are some common generalizations about these two parts:

A woman tends to approach the relationship more from a place of emotion. She can sense how her husband is “feeling”.
A man tends to approach the relationship more from a place of rational thought. He analyzes and evaluates what his wife is thinking.

If this were true, the simple fix to improving marriages (and all relationships) would be for the man to listen for the emotional meaning in what the woman was saying; and for the woman to listen to the rational meaning in what the man was saying.

Of course, we human beings are a little more complex – and complicated – than this. While almost everyone possesses the capacity to experience both rational thought and emotional feelings, the quality and quantity of each varies.

So consider the following questions:

Can you maintain control over your emotions while listening to your spouse?
Can you park your thoughts and ideas while listening to what your spouse is really saying?
Can you listen to your spouse and understand both the meaning of the message and the feeling behind it?

Someone who can understand the rational part and perceive the emotional part is indeed gifted with acuteness. This is especially helpful in marriage, but is also beneficial outside of marriage.

Acuteness In and Outside the Home

Thankfully, acuteness is not determined by genetics. The abilities to listen well, maintain self-control, and gather clues to what others are thinking and feeling are skills that can be learned.

Now imagine the effects if you learn how to listen well and gather important insights at home. This skill can be transferred to working with others: from co-workers, to customers, to others within your community.

In other words, embracing acuteness at home can also benefit your relationships with others outside the home. Of course, it also makes for a stronger and happier marriage!