Posted on May 17, 2012

The benefits of embracing challenge in a marriage

For most of us, we tend to react to challenges. They are something that happens “to” us, and then we respond.

A car accident. A computer failure. An employee quits. A client leaves. A kid sick.

Whew! That’s tough stuff. Then add in the challenges of your spouse and it becomes too much.

But…

Is it possible for a challenge to ever be considered positive?

Yes. When it becomes proactive and something we initiate.

Embracing Challenge

As a differentiating value, Challenge means a demanding or stimulating situation. Unlike problems, a challenge is designed to help us improve.

Consider the following:

A pianist who wants to expand their repertoire may choose a more challenging piece of music.
An employee desiring to expand their skillset may choose to take on a challenging assignment.
The leader of an outreach ministry trying to reach more homeless people may choose a more challenging approach.

In these examples, the challenge was intentionally selected. Each challenge is designed to help, not hinder. To improve, not impair. And to build up, not tear down.

But can this work in a marriage?

Challenge in Marriage

While problems in marriage are not fun, some challenges can be fruitful.

Consider the following:

A married couple that wants to expand their joint interests may choose a more challenging hobby, sport, or even business venture together.
A married couple that desires to express their love for each other in more relevant ways may choose to learn their spouse’s primary love language (using Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages).
A married couple that wants to advance their walk with God may choose to accept the challenge of running a Bible study.
A married couple working with a youth group may choose to take a more challenging approach to engage more young people.

In these examples, the challenge was also intentionally selected. Sometimes the focus is inward. Sometimes the focus is outward on others. And sometimes the focus is on each other.

In all cases, the purpose of embracing a challenge is to grow – inside, outside, and together.

Benefits of Challenge

Some might consider challenges are only meant to help a person grow individually. When the risks are so high, why would you mess with marriage?

Here are 5 benefits of overcoming a good challenge in a marriage:

– It creates a stronger bond of friendship and love.

– It becomes a milestone to celebrate.

– It creates a meaningful life by adding value to others.

– It sets a powerful example for others to follow.

– It creates a legacy that lasts.

Challenge might not be the first differentiating value that you choose to embrace. But the benefits for you, your spouse, and your marriage make it worth considering.

If confidence is required to get married and courage to stay married, then a good challenge may be what’s needed to fill your marriage with meaning.