Jim & Pam Horton – The Power of Flexibility
Celebrating a 25th wedding anniversary is an important milestone. It’s one that should not be taken lightly, as fewer and fewer marriages seem to make it that far.
In March 2013, this special event will occur for Jim & Pam Horton, of Apex, North Carolina.
Through their company NewDirection Life Coaching LLC, this husband and wife team provide coaching services that change people’s lives. Jim works with business leaders. Pam works with teenagers and young adults.
So what’s the secret on how they work together so well? It’s how they embrace the value of flexibility.
Flexibility in Action
As a differentiating value, flexibility means adaptable or variable; capable of being changed.
When I interviewed this wonderful couple, I was struck by how both Jim & Pam have embraced the value of flexibility to keep their marriage strong and help others.
For example, they have engaged in line dancing together and learned to play tennis together. Now they have taken up a new interest: target shooting together.
In response to supporting the interests of their son, who is in the army, Jim recently got into the shooting sports hobby. He was never into guns before. But surprisingly he’s found a real enjoyment in it.
So what did Pam do?
Pam decided to share in this experience too and has joined Jim in learning how to shoot. Her goal is to become a better shot than him (but she admits to maintaining a healthy fear of guns).
That’s flexibility in action.
But when couples are in business together, there are some things you might have to complete alone to keep moving forward.
This past spring, Pam was committed to writing a set of tips for their coaching newsletter and Jim said he would also contribute to this assignment. But because of other commitments, he was not able to make Pam’s deadline. So Pam made a decision to go on without his part, and complete this piece alone. And Jim was ok with this outcome.
That’s also flexibility in action.
New Directions
Even the name of Jim & Pam’s coaching business – *NewDirection Life Coaching* – reflects the value of flexibility. As they talked about their coaching business with me, Jim stated “No matter how bad things might be or get, you can always change to a new direction”
Almost as confirmation of their business model, Jim referenced Marshall Goldsmith’s book What Got You Here Won’t Get You There. He says “If someone wants to get to a new level, then they need to go in a new direction.”
This requires flexibility.
Working in the corporate world as a HR professional for 30 years, Jim has always been involved in training, development, and coaching. He uses his skills to help equip business leaders to improve their personal effectiveness and reach their goals.
But no two people are alike. So Jim is constantly adapting his coaching techniques to help individuals develop their full potential.
And this need for adaptability also applies to marriage.
Marriage Wisdom – Words of Advice
When asked for some words of advice for other married couples, Pam provided the following thoughts.
1) Watch what comes out of your mouth. If having an argument, stop and wait. Don’t discuss an issue until you can do it calmly, which might be later that day, or even the next day.
2) Know your spouse’s primary love language and work to show it. This is based on the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, which includes: words of affirmation; quality time; acts of service, gifts, and physical touch. One of these will be more important to your spouse than all the others.
3) Patience is a virtue. You don’t always get what you want. Learn to deal with it.
Jim then added that all couples need to have the “money discussion.” He said “money issues are going to happen, so you’ve got to talk about it.”
Such wisdom is timeless and proven. It’s what helps couples reach important milestones, like 25 years of marriage.
Maybe it’s the combination of such proven wisdom and the value of flexibility that provides the environment for a healthy marriage, and serves as a great example for others.
What part of Jim & Pam’s story resonates with you? Why?
Do you value flexibility? What one thing can you do to increase flexibility in your marriage?
Note: This is a re-post of this blog. To view the original post go to Leadership Couples.
Today’s value was selected from the “Diversity-Flexibility” category, based on the e-book Developing Your Differentiating Values.
