Values in Marriage – Security

I recently found a golden snippet of insight from the marriage of Gary and Norma Smalley.

Post: Keeping Alive Romance and Security

Dr. Gary Smalley is a best-selling author, family counselor, and president and founder of the Smalley Relationship Center. He is considered an expert on relationships and what is required to have a long, happy, and fulfilling marriage.

For Gary and Norma, this year marks 48 years of marriage. They don’t just talk about having a secure marriage. They live it.

As a differentiating value, Security means the state of being free from danger or injury; freedom from anxiety or fear. Note the importance of freedom here. It’s the absence of something unwanted.

The value of security is a key benefit of marriage that most couples seek to experience. And yet many never do or they have it and then loose it.

On this topic, Gary and Norma offer some great words of advice.

Gary: “…feeling secure in the relationship is vital to true romance.”

Norma: “…I’ve consciously and deliberately never used the words hate or divorce or leave with Gary, even in our most heated ‘discussions.’”

Gary: “…we pray together about anything in our family or ministry that looks challenging.”

Norma: “…as nice as the feelings of romance are, they’re no substitute for the security of a rock-solid commitment.” and “…my decision to love him was a commitment for life.”

Clearly, couples who value security need to embrace commitment. They need to practice the self-discipline to NOT say certain things that could threaten security. Prayer is an important resource to preserve security. And the feeling of security fosters romance, which provides other benefits….

What I find insightful about this advice is this:

• It starts with a decision. And if you missed doing it at the beginning of your marriage, you can still make it now.
• It continues with 2 actions: one passive (resist saying something negative); and one active (prayer).
• It ends with a benefit: romance. And better yet, life-long romance.

Better still, if you ever loose that sense of security, you can regain it by following this same advice.

To me, that sounds like something that would benefit all marriages.

 

Do you practice these words of advice? Do they help promote security in your marriage?

What else can foster the value of security in marriage?

 

Today’s value was selected from the “Freedom-Prosperity” category, based on the e-book Developing Your Differentiating Values.