10 Ways to Remain Approachable to Your Spouse

Before getting married, while you were dating, I highly suspect you did whatever you could to remain open, accessible, and available to your girlfriend or boyfriend.

If he/she called you on the phone, you rushed to answer it.

If he/she quietly hinted they would like to go to the park, or a movie, or a game, or just go for a drive, your mind immediately swirled with ideas on how you could make that happen.

If he/she gently squeezed your hand and smiled, you responded in an appropriate manner, maybe by returning a smile and raising your eyebrows to indicate you understood what they were saying.

In other words, while you were dating you likely inherently understood the value of approachability.

As a differentiating value, Approachability means being easy to meet or deal with; accessible.

Unfortunately, many couples lose this value after getting married. Personally, I find it sad to see a husband or wife who is obviously being aloof to their spouse or difficult to deal with. It doesn’t have to be this way.

Being approachable is a choice.

Just as there are ways to rediscover pleasure in marriage, there are ways to remain approachable.

10 Ways to Remain Approachable to Your Spouse

• Show they are #1. When you or your spouse come home, ensure greeting your spouse is your first priority.
• Give your undivided attention. When your spouse approaches you with the need to talk, stop what you are doing (reading, email, watching TV, etc.) and give them your full and complete attention.
• Be open to new ideas. When your spouse says “I have an idea…” don’t respond with stating “Uh-oh!” Instead, respond positively, such as saying “Great, tell me about it.”
• Use appropriate tools. When trying to resolve a conflict, remove the emotional element of the topic by evaluating it with a relevant tool, such as the 10-point scale (e.g. “On a scale of 1 to 10, how important is it we go out for dinner tonight?”).
• Make technology your friend. Use a special ringtone on your cellphone, so you know when your spouse is calling  (and do your best to answer the phone when they call!).
• Never simply leave. When in the middle of a conversation with your spouse and you sense he/she has more they want to say but you need to attend to an urgent matter (e.g. a crying baby, visiting the restroom), don’t just leave. Briefly explain what you need to do and why.
• Ask open-ended questions. Try and avoid Yes/No responses. Ask questions such as: “What was the best thing that happened in your day?” or “Of all the different things we could do this weekend, what would make you the happiest?”
• Set a time to talk. It’s ok to state you can’t mentally or emotionally deal with an issue or conflict right now. But don’t leave it hanging. Provide a time when you expect you will be able to deal with it (e.g. “Let’s talk about this after dinner this evening.”)
• Never cross your arms. When having a conversation with your spouse, crossing your arms is a sign of being closed-minded. It’s ok to tuck your hands in your pockets or lean against a wall. Let your physical stature show you are open to what they have to say.
• Be available. No need to hide. Your spouse should always know where you are or how to get a hold of you.

Simply put, approachability has a direct link to respect. When you remain approachable to your spouse, you’re showing you respect them.

What are other ways for you to remain approachable to your spouse?

Today’s value was selected from the “Effectiveness-Influence” category, based on the e-book Developing Your Differentiating Values.