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Posted on Oct 3, 2013

5 Ways to Improve the Depth of Your Marriage

Is your marriage lacking depth?

Maybe you feel like the conversations with your spouse are mostly “surface stuff” such as discussing who is picking up the kids from school today or what’s the plan for dinner.

When you do manage to get some quality time together, what do you talk about? Work? The kids? Sports? Hobbies? Your plans for the coming week?

While these might be relevant items in your life, they don’t generally foster a richer and more meaningful marriage.

Here’s the problem: having intellectually stimulating conversations do not magically happen. Saying to your spouse “Tell me something interesting” will not suddenly open the floodgates of meaningful thoughts, ideas, and emotions.

However, embracing depth as a differentiating value can help to significantly strengthen a marriage.

5 Ways To Improve the Depth of Your Marriage

  1. Ask open-ended questions. Try and avoid ‘Yes/No’ responses. Ask questions such as: “How does that (subject) make you feel?” or “What’s important about that (issue/topic) to you?”
  2. Give your undivided attention. Listen carefully. Observe closely. Watch for non-verbal cues that suggest a change in emotion (then ask a relevant question).
  3. Learn together. Do a book study or watch an informational DVD together and then discuss. Make sure it’s a topic you are both interested in. A couple that sows together grows together.
  4. Make it a game. Have some fun and make up your own game where you test each other’s ability to solve a particular problem or identify possible solutions to common issues (e.g. how to get your grumpy neighbor to smile).
  5. Tell stories. Go beyond the basic facts. Explain why the subject is important; who is impacted by a particular decision; and how all of this makes you feel.

Note: allowing yourself to be vulnerable with your spouse is the doorway to building a deeper relationship and a lasting marriage.

 

What are other ways to improve the depth of your marriage?

 

Today’s value was selected from the “Knowledge-Skillfulness” category, based on the e-book Developing Your Differentiating Values.