Posted on Feb 7, 2014

How To Use Flow To Improve Your Marriage

Successful athletes have flow.

Productive employees have flow.

Strong marriages have flow.

As a differentiating value, Flow means move or progress freely; or continuous progression.

The person who first proposed the concept of flow – psychologist Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi – suggests this question: “What makes a life worth living?”

Let’s consider this from the viewpoint of a marriage. I propose the following question:

How can flow help improve a marriage?

Flow in Marriage

The image that comes to mind that might best portray flow in marriage is dancing.

Visualize a married couple moving easily together, in sync, and thoroughly enjoying the moment. It’s a wonderful thing to watch. It’s even better to do.

Imagine a husband and wife who are motivated to work together with a single-minded focus, harnessing their combined energies to perform their God-given purpose. This spans numerous areas including:

Raising a family.
Involvement in church.
Running a business.
Volunteering in the community.

If this intrigues you, there are a few different ways to use flow to improve your marriage.

Using Flow to Improve Your Marriage

Focus on your strengths. As with any team, each person needs to know their areas of strength. It’s where they take the lead. But two people can’t lead at the same time. Where should the man lead? Where should the woman lead? Focus on your areas of strength.
Train together. As with any team sport, once you know your role and where you lead, it’s important to train together. Of course, mistakes do happen. Try again. Just like dancing, one must lead and the other must follow. In ballroom dancing, the man invites the woman to follow his lead. She in turn does not lean on him, rather holds her own weight. Working together hones your skills, both leading and following – in your areas of strength – while continuously progressing through the dance.
Celebrate improvements. Great teams are not born. They are developed over time. It’s natural to occasionally step on each other’s toes. Apologize and move on. One day you’ll suddenly notice less problems and more successes. You are progressing forward. Don’t forget to celebrate! If practice makes perfect, then celebration makes certainty.

So…. flow is not just for successful athletes and highly productive employees. And it’s not just for couples on the TV show “Dancing with the Stars.” A husband and wife team can improve their marriage with the value of flow.

It also makes for a life worth living – together!