The Positive Role of Outrageousness in Marriage

What comes to mind when you hear about an outrageous marriage?

• An excessive wedding?
• A couple that has strange hobbies?
• A new reality-based TV show?

Yes, there are people who do outrageous things to get attention – including married couples.

But is there a positive side to including a little outrageousness in marriage?

Breaking Down the Myth

A common statement often said to someone getting married is:

“So you finally decided to settle down, have kids, and live happily ever after.”

Is that truly what defines a long and healthy marriage?

Ask a few couples married 40 or 50 years and see what they recommend.

In addition to open communication and lots of patience and forgiveness, sometimes what’s needed is to break down your own self-defined barriers.  To keep a marriage strong, or build a stronger relationship, sometimes what’s needed is to do something outrageous.

The secret is to do it together.

The Value of Outrageousness

As a differentiating value, Outrageousness means greatly exceeding bounds of reason or moderation; shocking; or excessive excess.

Now, let me be clear here. I am NOT encouraging anyone to engage in illegal or immoral behavior. I’m also not encouraging you to do something outrageous in order to shock your spouse.

Doing something outrageous can either be helpful or harmful. So it’s important to make wise choices here.

Outrageousness in Marriage

For outrageousness to be healthy for a marriage, ideally it needs to enhance the relationship. It also needs to be discussed and jointly agreed upon by both husband and wife.

Here are a few outrageous ideas for married couples that can provide a positive benefit (note: Lori and I personally identify with the first four):

• One spouse goes back to school to get their degree, while the other supports them.
• Choosing to move far away from family and friends, especially to a new country.
• Starting a business together (or one runs it full-time while the other supports it part-time)
• Selling the house and traveling the country (or maybe the world).
• Going on a mission’s trip together in a developing country.
• Adopting a child (or children).
• Using the family vacation time to actively support a local (or foreign) charity.
• Selling something valuable (e.g. a vehicle, boat, painting, jewelry, etc.) to help a worthy cause or someone in need.
• Going on a mountain-climbing expedition together.

The benefits associated with doing something outrageous are clearly subjective. But for many couples, the risk is worth the reward.

When was the last time you and your spouse did something outrageous together?

Today’s value was selected from the “Fun-Recreation” category, based on the e-book Developing Your Differentiating Value.