Posted on Jun 26, 2014

3 Ways to Positively Influence Your Spouse

This is a guest post by my wife, Lori, about the value of influence in marriage. She writes about encouragement in marriage. You can find and follow her on personal blog.

One day a village leader and his wife were walking through their little grouping of huts. The leader pointed out all the improvements he had suggested and implemented since his people made him leader.

He was feeling quite satisfied with his life and wanted his wife to acknowledge how good he’d made life for her. She just nodded at each of his statements.

As they walked toward the last hut in the village, he noticed the pig herder dumping slops into his pigs’ trough. The leader pointed out the fellow, knowing that his wife had originally been promised to that very same pig herder.

“See dear. There’s the pig herder,” he began. “Just imagine what your life would have been like if you’d married him instead of me… You would have been the wife of a pig herder…” He let his sentence drift off, assuming his beautiful wife would understand what he wanted to illustrate.

“Ah no, my love. If I’d married him,” she answered, “then he would be the village leader.”

You’ve heard this story before, I’m sure.

It’s usually accompanied by a chuckle, or an eye-roll.

But what’s the real message behind the fable?

You will influence and affect your spouse.

You have the opportunity to affect your marriage. Will your influence on your spouse make life better for the two of you?

Perhaps this post is more openly targeted to the wife in a marriage. The scripture from Proverbs 31 comes to mind:

She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:12)

However, I imagine it’s as applicable for a husband in the relationship. Shouldn’t we seek to influence our spouse in a way that’ll bring good?

3 Ways to Positively Influence Your Spouse

Respect. Be courteous. Acknowledge and be proactive in admiring strengths. You can influence your spouse’s self image in a positive way with an attitude of respect. You can influence others’ behavior and impression of your spouse through your respect of her/him.
Helpfulness. Feeling like you are supported by your spouse can make a positive difference. Sometimes the help comes in the form of actually doing something, and other times it’s simply through your presence. Your spouse will feel better about the outcome of any situation if they’re secure in the knowledge you are on their team.
Attentiveness. Your timely attention can influence an outcome. In our society we’re consumed by digital devices. Try something new: drop the digital devices at the door, and focus on your spouse. Your ability to influence your marriage will sky-rocket when your attention is on your relationship – not outside of it…