5 Strategies to Achieving More in Marriage

Achievement is sought after in all aspects of life.

• Students strive to get good marks in college.
• Athletes work hard to win in sports.
• Professionals pursue advancement in their careers.

So why shouldn’t couples seek achievement in their marriage?

As a differentiating value, Achievement means successful performance; accomplishment; or obtaining by exertion. In other words, achievement is about attaining a goal.

In marriage, achievement is about a husband and wife working together to realize a goal.

It’s amazing that both men and women can work so hard to find and woo their life’s partner, plan an extraordinary wedding day, and then suddenly they stop!

The real opportunity for achievement begins after marriage.

Of course, there are annual events such as planning vacations, birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas. And there are big-ticket items such as preparing to buy/build a house.

But what about other goals, such as starting a business together, planning a family, finding new married friends, selecting a church, beginning a new hobby, building an addition to the house, organizing a family reunion, planning an extended trip around the country (or world), or any number of other goals?

A lasting marriage contains endless achievements. It means continuous goal setting, and the fulfillment of those goals.

Sadly, it’s not that easy.

The problem is that none of this comes naturally in marriage. As individuals, we know how to set and achieve our own goals. But having to constantly work with someone else in both goal setting AND the fulfillment can be a real challenge.

This is where having a few strategies can be beneficial.

5 Strategies to Achieving More in Marriage

Based on what I’ve observed in other couples, and from my own experiences in 30+ years of marriage, here are 5 strategies I find can help married couples in achieving more.

1)    Set Vision. Great satisfaction comes from the fulfillment of a common vision. A unified vision is very powerful. And it’s more than simply setting a few goals. When defining a vision, ask such questions as:

• Why are we doing what we’re doing?
• How are we making a positive difference in the lives of others?
• Who all will benefit, now and in the future?
• What do we want to get out of this?
• What does real success look like?

2)    Define Responsibilities. Be clear about each of your strengths and weaknesses. Then divide and conquer to maximizes your strengths and minimize your weaknesses. Also, be clear on who has decision-making authority, and respect each other’s decisions. Remember to acknowledge and affirm good decisions. When a bad decision is made (because no one is perfect), provide your full support to make it right.

3)    Have Regular Dialogue. I’ve often said good communication is the #1 key to a healthy marriage. But what exactly does that mean? It means:

• Talk often. And talk about everything.
• Talk about facts.  And talk about how you feel.
• Talk about what makes you happy. And talk about your fears.
• And remember to always focus on the issues, not the person. If your spouse says or does something that aggravates or hurts you, then say: “When you say/do that, this is how it makes me feel…”

4)    Respect Limitations. Some get very frustrated with their spouse’s limitations. But that’s because they’re thinking and acting as an individual. There are no solo acts in a healthy marriage! The real strength of marriage comes from complete trust in each other. And trust comes from knowing your spouse will be patient with your limitations, shore up your weaknesses, and encourage you to keep going and try again.

5)    Offer Unconditional Love. This is the most important element to experience any kind of achievement in marriage. A husband or wife’s love for their spouse should always be first. Hopefully it’s why they got married in the first place. And it should be unconditional – no strings attached. What good is achieving a goal if it only harms the marriage? So it’s ok to sacrifice short-term achievements for the sake of preserving the relationship. A good reminder can be found in 1 Corinthians 13 where Paul writes that “Love is patient, love is kind.” He also states “If I have not love, I am nothing.” The same is true in marriage.

 

What are other strategies to achieve more in marriage?

 

Today’s value was selected from the “Determination-Focus” category, based on the e-book Developing Your Differentiating Value.