Posted on Aug 14, 2014

How Much Prudence Is Healthy In Marriage?

Before marriage, it’s natural for a man and woman to dream about an amazing future together. They might envision where they’ll live, the house they’ll build, and how many children they’ll have together.

But first they have to deal with the practical issues of planning the wedding day.

Unfortunately, for many couples their wedding day sets the wrong tone for their life ahead together. They plan an elaborate wedding, spending thousands and thousands of dollars, and set a false bar of what married life will be like.

The reality is that to build a healthy, lasting marriage it requires prudence.

As a differentiating value, Prudence means discretion in practical affairs; careful and sensible. This is often a learned skill.

In marriage, prudence is a constant balancing act. There is either too little or too much prudence. In other words, this requires lots of practice and continual learning in order to stay in a healthy balance.

Too Little Prudence

Do you have a natural bent for being spontaneous? Does having to be practical sound too boring for you? Or maybe it’s your spouse that struggles with these issues?

Good news: even the most impulsive people can learn to be prudent.

Here are three ways to add some prudence to your marriage when it doesn’t come naturally to you.

Look to your spouse. This might sound obvious, but if your spouse has acquired this skill, rely on them to lead in this area. If they are a great planner, let them do it. If they are better at managing finances, don’t let your ego get in the way. Let them shine. You will be the beneficiary!
Leverage available resources. There’s a reason David Allen’s book Getting Things Done is so popular. He outlines five steps to help create order out of chaos (Capture, Clarify, Organize, Reflect, Engage). Read this book with your spouse and divide and conquer based on your individual strengths.
Locate a role model. Think of someone you know who you consider to be very prudent. Study them. Steal ideas from observing their behavior. Meet with them and ask how they do it. Caution: it’s best to choose role models that also have a healthy marriage.

Too Much Prudence

Do you enjoy being extremely frugal, maybe even a bit stingy? Does the idea of being careful with your money and possessions really turn your crank? Or maybe this describes your spouse?

Good news: even the most frugal folks can learn to be prudent without being a prick.

Here are three ways to be prudent in your marriage without being a tightwad.

Pick your battles. Select the top three or four areas of your life that matter most to you for being frugal. Write down “why” these matter so much to you and share with your spouse. Revise and refine your list based on your spouse’s needs and concerns. Note: this list needs to have mutual agreement! Then give each other permission to stop being so frugal in all other areas.
Plan a time to splurge. Once a month (ideally once a week), plan a date night and push the boundaries of your frugal comfort zone. Increase what you would normally spend, or do something you would not normally do because of your stingy nature. Prove to your spouse that your love for them is greater than your desire to pinch pennies.
Participate in assisting others. A great way to reset an unhealthy frugal nature is to help others in need. Together with your spouse, volunteer in a soup kitchen, join a group preparing aid packages for those afflicted by war, or sponsor a needy child in another country. Actively helping others with time, money, and needed resources can change lives – and your marriage.

Remember, the key to being prudent in a healthy way is to show good discretion in practical matters. It’s about maintaining a healthy balance between exercising too little or too much prudence.