Posted on Aug 7, 2014

Powerful Words of Wisdom for Marriage

I follow and enjoy the writings of Chris Huff. I faithfully read his blog posts every day.

In a recent post, Chris highlights Four Statements of Pure Wisdom that he received from a friend. These are designed to help men remind themselves on how to stay married.

I don’t have to be right
I don’t have to be first
I don’t have to react
I should stop and think before I speak

As Chris suggests, such wisdom is pure gold. These are sound recommendations for any man (or woman) who wants to preserve and even strengthen their marriage.

Of course, these brilliant points might seem obvious to some (I imagine all the wives saying “Yes!”). Yet, so many men – and women – don’t follow this advice.

Why???

No, it’s not because men are just stubborn. It’s actually common for men AND women to simply not do what they know to be good and true.

Doesn’t that seem odd? Clearly, it’s harder to follow good advice than give it.

Unwrapping Wisdom

Consider wisdom as a value:

Wisdom: applying relevant knowledge in an insightful way; prudent and sensible.

Note the first attribute of wisdom is “applying” it. You can possess all kinds of relevant knowledge. But unless you apply the knowledge, it’s useless.

The second attribute is applying it in an “insightful way.” Here, the other key meaning of wisdom is helpful: being prudent and sensible.

Unfortunately, being prudent and sensible seems to be as uncommon as applying wisdom.

Consider the following statements often heard in many marriages.

“I know you’ll say that I’m not right. So whatever you say.”

The short form of this often said by men is, “Whatever you say, dear.”

“I know you don’t want to hear what happened in my day, so why don’t you tell me about your day.”

Really? Why do spouses even say that to each other?

“What on earth were you thinking!?!

Oh yeah, that was helpful (not!). This has the same effect as telling your spouse you think they’re really stupid.

“What did YOU do with my car keys?”
“So what did YOU spend all our money on today?”
“Why can’t YOU be more organized?”

We could list a thousand more. But they all clearly attack the person instead of the issue. Not good.

In each case, the prudent and sensible thing would be to stop and think about the best way to respond or address an issue.

Maybe the best option is to say nothing.

Maybe the best option is to wait for a better time.

Maybe the best option is to ask a non-attacking question, or series of questions to gain a better understanding of the situation.

Maybe the best option is to take the time to carefully consider how to address the issue in such a way that it doesn’t attack the person.

Of course, this sounds like I’m offering more wisdom. But it won’t really matter unless one is willing to apply it…

Additional Wisdom for Marriage

If you’re interested in adding a few more marriage-related words of wisdom to your knowledge bank, I encourage you to read another post I wrote awhile back: Words of Wisdom for Married Couples.