How to Improve Your Dependability in Marriage
Consider the following scenarios:
- Your car breaks down and you need someone to pick you up and take you home. Who will you call?
- You need someone to make a sizable deposit of cash into the bank on your behalf. Who will you ask?
- You need the most reliable person you know to look after an extremely important task. Who comes to mind?
Ideally your spouse is the first person who comes to mind.
If not, you might have a negative bias towards your spouse. You might know them so well that you’ve already decided when you would call on them – and when you wouldn’t.
Ok… so maybe your spouse…
- regularly loses their car keys, but you can depend on them to never run out of gas.
- isn’t the best cook, but you can depend on them to discover the most flavorful foods.
- doesn’t know how to make money in the stock market, but you can depend on them to faithfully put 10% of their paycheck into your joint retirement fund.
So now the big question: How dependable are you?
If you are like most people, you give yourself some slack and (more than) a little grace for those times you dropped the ball. It wasn’t your fault… Something came up… Blah. Blah. Blah…
It’s ironic that the measurement of dependability is subjective, yet it’s all about consistency. As a differentiating value, Dependability means consistent in performance or behavior; financially sound; reliable.
Here’s the thing about dependability: it’s proven with time. This means we can all change the perception that others have about us. If we begin to consistently deliver on our promises and demonstrate consistent results, we can build a (new) reputation of being dependable.
This even works in marriage.
How to Improve Your Dependability in Marriage
If you want your spouse to feel that they can depend on you MORE than before, here are three things you can do.
- Start with just one area. Attention divided weakens the outcome. Focus is key to creating lasting change. This might include major areas like consistently buying healthy groceries, doing the laundry the same day every week, or showing up at work every day on time. It can also include minor things such as always putting the toilet seat down, putting your clothes away, or making the bed every morning.
- Ask for feedback. Yes, this can be hard to do, at first. But asking for insights from those you love and trust is the best way to improve. We all have blind spots. Feedback from others can help you see what you might be missing. It also highlights potential new ways for you to improve consistency and reliability.
- Focus on your strengths. Imagine the difference from taking one of your areas of strength from good to great versus building a weakness to being moderately successful. Maximizing your strengths always provides the greatest return. If you like numbers and are detailed oriented, then become great at managing the family budget. If you find cooking easy, then become known as the amazing family chef.
If you’re not sure that such effort is worth it, consider the research showing that couples in a strong healthy marriage have fewer health problems, higher incomes, and are happier people. A great place to start is by improving your own level of dependability.
What are other ways to improve dependability in marriage?
Today’s value was selected from the “Fairness-Respect” category, based on the e-book Developing Your Differentiating Values.
