Words of Wisdom for Married Couples

The original version of this was posted on Leadership Couples.

Experience accumulated over time produces wisdom. But what’s it worth?

King Solomon wisely stated: “How much better to get wisdom than gold! And to get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.” [Proverbs 16:16]

As a differentiating value, Wisdom means applying relevant knowledge in an insightful way; or prudent and sensible.

Where do we find this relevant knowledge? From those with experience.

There’s a reason we admire and respect couples married 50+ years. In addition to demonstrating perseverance, they have acquired wisdom. We listen carefully when they speak, hoping to avoid some of the same pitfalls and benefit from their bank of knowledge.

Everlasting Matrimony

The book Everlasting Matrimony was first published in 2004. Author Sheryl Kurland interviewed 75 couples married 50+ years. As highlighted in this book review, some of the pearls of wisdom include:

• “Don’t discuss sensitive subjects before dinner – eat first.” — Renee Flager
• “Your partner is not a mind reader. Say what’s on your mind.” — Gilda Gittleman
• “We both have a sense of humor, and that’s what gets us through. You’re doomed without it.” — Louise Fradkin
• “For those about to get married — Do not over romanticize. Marriage is not the panacea. Marriage probably will not be problem free. Rather, be problem-aware. If and when problems appear, work them through. Sometimes these are easy, other times difficult.” — Arthur Cohen

It’s interesting to note that Kurland didn’t find a magic bullet or one specific answer to having an enduring marriage. What she did find were some common themes, including:

• Being unselfish
• Finding common ground together
• Having respect for each other
• Remaining committed to staying together

Of most importance to me is Kurland’s observation that these couples worked together as a team for the longevity of the relationship. That feels like a beautiful combination of attitude and action.

Best Marriage Advice

I also came across some marriage advice offered by readers online. Here are 10 selected pieces that feel like words of wisdom to me:

• “Work as hard on your marriage, as you did on your wedding.” — Shannon
• “Always give 100%, never expect anything in return, that way you will always be surprised.” – Eva
• “The love between you should grow stronger everyday – through every challenge, adventure, and loss.” – Shasta
• “If you want to be treated as a Queen, treat your husband as a King.” — Anonymous
• “Always compliment your spouse to others. Do so in his or her presence AND in their absence.” – Anonymous
• “A great marriage takes 2 good forgivers. So hard to be on your game everyday. No one is perfect, to err is human to forgive is divine.” – Christine
•  “Follow the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would they do unto you.” – John
• “Twenty hugs, twenty smiles, and twenty kisses a day.” – Joel & Kathy
• “Know you can’t change the other, but you can change yourself!” – Anonymous
• “Don’t forget, children are only with you for a short time. Your spouse is forever.” – Buddy

Do any of these words of wisdom resonate with you in your marriage? Why?

What words of wisdom do you have to share?

Today’s value was selected from the “Knowledge-Skillfulness” category, based on the e-book Developing Your Differentiating Values.