The Love of a Leadership Couple

The original version of this was posted on Leadership Couples.

“…now that we are so far distant from each other, you are my constant thought when alone… I know too Dearest from your letters that I am not forgotten. The many pleasant hours spent with you often pass in review before my memory.”

These words were written from a soldier to his sweetheart, from the front lines of the Mexican-American War. It would be a few more years before he could return and make his fiancé his wife.

This is the true story about a man and woman who fell in love and enjoyed an unusually close relationship throughout their 37 years of marriage. As a leadership couple, they made a significant impact on the world that still resonates over 135 years later.

Starting out, he had little to offer her except his devotion and love. She responded by loving him with her dedication and untiring support.

Life was not easy for either of them. Yet, as best friends, they continually encouraged each other, communicated often, and sought every opportunity possible to spend time together.

Who is this leadership couple?

Ulysses & Julia Grant

Ulysses S. Grant is most remembered for ending the American Civil War. In 1865, General Grant led the Union Army in defeating the Confederate military.

Julia Dent Grant is remembered as her husband’s greatest supporter and only real confidant. Throughout the war, she joined Ulysses near the scene of action whenever she could, leaving behind her children in the capable hands of others.

For his role in ending the war, Grant became a national hero. He then went on to become president of the Unites States from 1869-1877.

But of equal importance, the love between Ulysses and Julia has been hailed as one of the greatest recorded romances in history. This was a leadership couple who embraced love as a differentiating value, meaning a strong positive emotion of affection, devotion, or respect.

The Early Years

After Grant graduated from U.S. Military Academy at West Point, he was introduced to Julia by her brother, Fred.  He fell in love and would frequently visit her at the family home, near St. Louis, Missouri. He proposed several times before Julia finally accepted.

This started a four-year engagement, delayed by his involvement in the Mexican-American War, during which they saw each other only once. But distance did not stop the expression of love via letters, as sampled above.

Ulysses and Julia were married in 1848. Over the next ten years, Julia gave birth to four children.

It’s important to note that even though Grant was a military man, he resigned from the army in 1854. His travels away from Julia and family were heart breaking and stressful. He wanted to be near the one he loved. Julia was his first priority.

Unfortunately, during this time they struggled through years of financial hardship. He failed as a farmer. He failed as a bill collector. He even worked for a time for his father in a tannery. The only place he seemed to have success was in the military.

Then the Civil War started.

Service to Country

Based on his military training and experience, Grant offered to assist with training the volunteer soldiers. It didn’t take long for his true talents to shine and he quickly rose in rank to become a Major General.

Grant’s role was pivotal in ending the Civil War.

Note that most know the story of General Lee surrendering to General Grant at Appomattox. But two other Generals that also surrendered to General Grant were Cadmus Wilcox and Bernard Pratte. These were Grant’s friends who served as groomsmen at his wedding only seventeen years earlier.

Grant saw the war from both sides, but never wavered in his commission.

At the end of the Civil War, Grant was heavily involved in the reconstruction process, in an attempt to stabilize the nation. This work continued throughout his two terms as president of the United States.

During this period too, Julia stood faithfully by her husband’s side. Even during multiple scandals of corruption in the republican administration, and the turbulent reconstruction period, Julia remained Grant’s most loyal supporter.

Later Years

After leaving the White House, the Grants spent two years traveling the world, visiting countries throughout Europe, Asia, and the Far East. They were often greeted by enormous crowds and welcomed by all.

When they returned, they unfortunately lost all their money, due to a bad business venture and being swindled by their son’s business partner. In addition, Ulysses’ health was failing as he battled throat cancer.

However, Ulysses Grant managed to complete his Memoirs just days before he died, at the age of 63. With the help of Mark Twain, the sales from this book served to provide a solid financial foundation for Julia for the rest of her life.

Even in his death, Ulysses’ love provided for Julia.

At Grant’s funeral, Bishop John P. Newman paid tribute to their strong relationship when he said: “Husband and wife [were] the happy supplement of each other… She shared his trials and triumphs, his sorrows and his joys, his toils and his rewards,… and she shall share with him whatever homage future ages shall pay at his national shrine.”

Does this story resonate with you? If so, why?

Are you a leadership couple? What are you modeling for others?