10 Ways to Be More Helpful to Your Spouse

Starting from the wedding day, there is an expectation that a husband and wife will be helpful to each other. In the first few days, months, and sometimes even years, this is true.

But as roles and responsibilities become more defined over time, it’s common for one spouse to choose not to do something. “That’s his/her responsibility”, as the thinking goes. There might even be resistance to doing a specific task because they’re afraid that “chore” might become theirs for evermore.

Being helpful doesn’t mean taking over a chore and making it your own. Helpfulness is about pitching in and doing it “this time.” It’s about providing support “right now”.

As a differentiating value, Helpfulness means providing useful assistance; friendliness with a kindly and helpful disposition.

If you study this value, you’ll discover lots of wonderful ways to be more helpful to your spouse, without feeling like you’re taking over.

10 Ways to Be More Helpful to Your Spouse

• When you see your spouse cleaning up the kitchen or doing the dishes, ask: “Can I help?” This might include putting food away, loading the dishwasher, or picking up a towel and begin drying some dishes.
• Offer to take the kids out to the park or some other event, allowing your spouse some quiet time at home.
• Before you leave the house (for whatever reason), ask your spouse “Is there anything I can do for you while I’m out?”
• Offer to change and make the bed together.
• Ask if your spouse minds if you collect all the trash and take it outside to the trash bin.
• Offer to go through the house putting all the clothes away (including your own).
• Ask your spouse if they would like you to do some research on the Internet to find the solution to a problem they’re trying to solve. If they say yes, then get it done within 24 hours, because to be helpful timing is everything!
• Offer to pick up dry cleaning, groceries, medication, or anything else you know your spouse would normally do.
• Suggest that you’d like to vacuum out and wash your spouse’s vehicle.
• Offer to clean the toilets, even if that means having your spouse show you how (they will love you for it). Effort trumps expertise.

Note the importance of ASKING your spouse BEFORE doing something. Being helpful is not just about the doing. It’s also about showing you are willing. Your spouse wants to feel like they have a true partner, someone who is always there ready to help, someone they can count on when asked, and someone who will pitch in to make life a little bit easier.

No one likes control taken away from them. But all of us appreciate a willing helper.

Now, if you get overwhelmed with this concept, pick just one item from the list above and practice it. When you master one then try another. In time, you’ll likely receive such positive feedback from your spouse that you’ll want to try even more ways to be helpful to your spouse.

The rewards are worth it!

P.S. In my experience, more men than women suffer with a lack of helpfulness. So this post is targeted to (mostly) men.

Which of these suggestions is easiest for you, and why?

What other ways would you suggest to be more helpful to your spouse?

Today’s value was selected from the Appreciation-Kindness” category, based on the e-book Developing Your Differentiating Values.

Thankful to link with

Thriving Thursday