Preserving Autonomy in Marriage with Positive Barriers

Both husband and wife can get hurt when a business or volunteer entity swallows up their relationship. Maybe not immediately. But it can over time.

A marriage without barriers is waiting to be damaged.

To protect the marriage, consider the value of autonomy. As a differentiating value, Autonomy means free from external control and constraint; self-governing.

In a marriage, this does not mean creating a separation between the husband and wife. On the contrary, remember the marriage vow where “two shall become one.” The entity that needs to be free from external control and remain self-governing is the bond of husband and wife.

Autonomy in marriage is about creating positive barriers that protect both husband and wife from external forces.

So, what kind of barriers should be used? Some are negative and some are positive.

Negative barriers are like barbed wire or stone walls. Such barriers are daunting when breached (which will happen on occasion) and are sure to cause damage to one or both husband and wife.

Positive barriers help protect your marriage but won’t cause damage when broken. These might include:

• Defined locations to address different topics. This might mean picking one room in your house to talk about business issues (or your volunteer entity), while picking a different room to talk about your relationship. This also means you need to “go to that room” to discuss that selected topic. You’ll be amazed at the protection this barrier affords your relationship.
• Set times to discuss specific topics. Believe it or not, setting an appointment to meet and discuss business or volunteer topics is a powerful way to remain free from external controls and preserve a self-governing marriage.
• Seek approval before proceeding. One of the best signs of respect is asking your spouse for permission to discuss a specific topic. If your spouse is not in the state of mind or emotionally prepared at that moment to discuss something, then allowing them to say “not right now” puts your marriage ahead of any external forces.

You can read more about defining barriers at Leadership Couples.

 

What are the positive barriers that work to protect your marriage?

 

Today’s value was selected from the “Freedom-Prosperity” category, based on the e-book Developing Your Differentiating Values.