How to Help Someone Learn Self-Control

We expect everyone around us to control their behavior, to master their own desires. It’s called self-control.

Some clearly have it. And some clearly don’t.

But what if you were in a position to help someone learn self-control? How would you do it?

Here are nine things to consider:

1. Be calm. Be matter-of-fact. No yelling allowed.
2. Take a break. Help them step back or move away from a challenging situation. It’s an important first step. It allows them to regain focus on what matters most.
3. Give personal attention. We all need validation that we’re being heard and understood. Your attention is worth more than you realize.
4. Identify emotions. Ask ‘how did that make you feel’? It is our feelings that affect the choices we make. Helping someone become self-aware of their feelings is the beginning of self-control.
5. Analyze. Encourage the person to think about what’s causing the loss of control. Urge them to think before responding to a situation.
6. Role-play. Walking someone through different scenarios helps them understand both acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
7. Make it timely. It’s important to link learning to an actual experience, especially if someone is not exhibiting self-control.
8. Provide rewards. We all need consistent, positive feedback to learn appropriate behavior. So reward desired behavior with praise and attention, and remember to be consistent.
9. Model it. The best way to learn is to watch it in action. When someone sees you living through a difficult moment and maintaining self-control – voila! It sticks.

This is not for the faint of heart. But if you want to make a lasting impact in someone’s life, help them learn self-control.