Love and Marriage. Like Peas and Carrots.

Are you giving the one you love a card, some flowers, or a box of chocolates for Valentine’s Day?

February is known as the month of love. I would hope love is something expressed more than one day or month a year.

What is love?

Parents love their children. Pet owners love their dog or cat. Some people love playing sports. And a few people might say they love their friends.

What about a husband and wife?

If there was one institution that should personify love, it should be marriage. Unfortunately, the poor statistics on happy marriages would suggest there is not a lot of love there.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

Love is a Choice

In the western culture, men and women can choose their own partner. Who they select to love is up to them. And the continuation to love someone is also up to them.

But some treat the privilege of choice the same as choosing a vehicle or deciding on where to go for vacation. If you don’t like the car, sell it. If you have a bad vacation experience, don’t go back.

That’s not a fair way to treat love – or marriage.

Continuing to love your spouse when life is hard is a choice. Discovering new ways to show your love is a choice. Telling your spouse how much you love them – in front of others – is a choice.

We make choices everyday. Why not choose anew to love your spouse – everyday.

Love is a Commitment

When a man and woman meet and talk about “spontaneous love” or “we fell in love”, to me it has the same value as when an entrepreneur says “I have a great idea that will make lots of money.” The seed is there. It requires dedication, time, and hard work to produce the fruit.

At a wedding, how often have we heard this phrase:
“…to have and to hold from this day forward for better or for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”

The wedding day is such a happy time that everyone focuses on just the positive elements. But a rich love is proven in the fulfillment of that commitment.

Love is a Value

The word ‘love’ is used in so many different contexts that it’s real meaning is often lost. We end up watering down the value of love. Just as love is a choice, couples can also select love as one of their differentiating values.

As a value, love means a strong positive emotion of affection, devotion, or respect.

For many people, when they think of love they focus on just the first part – affection. Yes, this is a valid and important aspect of love. But love is more.

Devotion is proven in our commitment, as highlighted above.

A critical aspect of love that is often overlooked is the importance of respect. Have you ever heard someone say “all I want is respect”?

Emerson Eggerichs wrote a great book on this topic, called “Love and Respect”. The book’s subheading provides a clue to what he writes about: The love she most desires; The respect he desperately needs.

Eggerichs puts forth a solid argument that women need and want the first part of love – affection. And he advocates that men need and want the last part – respect.

So maybe it’s time we stop thinking that “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”, as was popularized by John Gray’s book. Maybe it’s time we raise love up to a new level, incorporating it into our lives as a differentiating value.

Love and marriage. It might be as simple as Forrest Gump said in the movie “We goes together like peas and carrots.”

How do you express love in your marriage?